MY LIFE WITH ITACHISAMA
by Karinja-chan
Summary: It would be a normal day for Kazili Kushi, being accused of crimes she wouldn't do at heart but loses her temper and has shortterm memory loss. Thanks to Itachi she's in with the bad guys, but she shouldn't be afraid of them, they should be afraid.
1. Unforgettable beginnings

Chapter 1:

Itachi crept silently through the bushes, the microphone snug on his ear. His breaths were long and heavy, the mist was clearing, but there was no telling what was up ahead. His mission was to kill his pursuer that had the information to seek out his hideout in the Leaf Village. The microphone began fizzing, and he fixed up to hear. "Itachi in, over."

"You close?"

"I think so. Just give me about five more minutes then I'll get back to you, the battery's going low."

"I thought you recharged it before you left."

"That's your job, not mine."

"Look, dumbass, you told me _you_ were going to recharge them all! Are the rest low too?"

"They are if you didn't recharge them."

"For the love of…Kisame out."

Fzzzk, fzzzk, fzzzk, fzzzzk, fzzzk 

Itachi slipped in-between two trees and froze at the sound of screaming. And not the regular 'You spilled orange juice on my new dress' scream either. It was the scream of pure terror and torment, the one that still rung in his ear as he had murdered his clan. _That_ scream. He gulped, wondering if someone tripped over a rock and busted their head open and was screaming in agonizing pain, dieing there with no one beside them. That was what had happened to one guy he had tried to kill. In fact, there were five people he didn't kill in his clan. It was all just a series of misfortunate events. He thought this all to himself, forgetting to return book number five of that series in the local library.

He rounded a corner and peeked his head out, he saw a river, and across from it, two fighting figures. And one was losing, terribly. The scream died out with a gargle and Itachi floated above the river. He saw the back of some girl, the winning one, and the bloody face of some dude she was strangling. He gasped in horror, as he saw that the girl was cutting him into tiny little pieces with short single strikes of her kunai. Not even him, murderer of his own family, would do that. He turned around and felt like vomiting.

Itachi turned back around to the people and covered his green face, the girl was now…

**For safety the author will not tell you this scene on what happened next, ok, they're done now.**

The girl took the spinach and stuffed the whole container down his mouth, and his last breath was spent on tasting the horrors of…

**Oh terribly sorry, entirely my bad. **_**Now**_** they're done.**

Itachi shivered and whimpered as the girl turned back around. You could tell she was seriously mad, as he pupils were in the back of her head and she was drooling like crazy. The body splashed into the river and drifted away after sinking to the bottom and the girl jumped in. She looked about Itachi's age, was incredibly strong for her size, and was blonde, which could only mean one thing: There was going to be trouble.

The girl's head zipped up towards him and he flinched, how in the world could she know where he was?! In a flash he zoomed down ad knocked her out, before she knocked out him.


	2. A Word from a Blonde

Ok, there will be a lot of chapters I guess since I consider each one kind of short. But anywho, I have nothing against blondes, just something I threw in there. And I don't own anything, blah blah blah, here you go, chapter two.

* * *

Chapter 2:

The girl blinked her eyes open slowly, as Itachi watched silently, completely out of view of her. She found herself tied down with chains of all sorts and the only thing she could move was her head. "Huh…Hello…?" Itachi walked over to the girl, and looked down at her. "Oh hi there! Can you help me please?" He was taken back by her gentleness, the last thing he thought she possessed. "Umm…no…why did you kill that man?" She cocked her head to the side in complete confusion.

"The dude you killed…" He glanced at his watch. "Twenty minutes ago…" She laughed. "Ah come on! You too? Everyone in the village thinks I randomly go and kill people! Why in the world would I do that?" His hand went to his ear as it screamed at him.

Fzzzzzzzzk fzzzzzzzk ffffzzzzzkkkkkk!!! 

"Damnit Kisame! Didn't I say _I_ would call you back?!"

"Pssh, yea, fifteen minutes ago! What the heck happened?"

"Nothing, I just found someone I'd like you to meet. Real valuable…"

"New victim we can torture?"

"Yea, if she doesn't cooperate."

"Oooooh a girl, bring her back."

The girl began wiggling viciously. "Aaaaah! Let me go you pervert!" Itachi kicked her softly. "Be quiet, we're not going to _touch_ you in anyway, unless you mean kill you, then yea, so you better behave." She huffed like it wasn't a threat. "No _you_ behave! What do you want with me?!" Itachi laughed silently and threw her over his shoulder, then began jumping among the trees, back to the hideout. "I want to see how much power you possess. We can take it or…" He stopped, not really having considered a second choice, and right then he had thought of one. It had been letting her join the Akatsuki.

He arrived at the secret hideout; hidden by trees, and knocked the 'Muffin Man' beat. The other side of the door responded with 'Peanut Butter Jelly Time' and opened. Kisame let Itachi and the guest enter and bolted it back. _"Well isn't she the pretty one…"_ He thought to himself. Itachi propped her up against the wall and she stared blankly at him, which made him turn away. Kisame was a little stunned by how he reacted, he usually killed people for looking at him the wrong way. "So what's your name?" Kisame finally said, breaking the confused silence. "Kazili Kushi…" He laughed. "Kushi? Like Hamtaro? Ha! No seriously, what's your real name?"

She stared blankly at him, and he sweat dropped. "Oh…you weren't kidding…" Kazili shook her head and looked past him at the mourning Itachi, who was tapping his fingers repeatedly against the wall, staring at it, lost in thought. "Is he ok?…Wait I don't care! Let me the hell out of here!!" He began walking away from her, clearly he was a little pissed that she was talking in such defiance, like they were no threat. "We _can_ kill you ya know…Itachi what's wrong, you don't usually do that unless your heart's telling you something…which you hate…" He glanced back at Kazili suspiciously, as if she was behind this, but her eyes were damp. "Do you think we could…see if she wants to join?" Itachi finally whispered to Kisame. He backed away from him, completely surprised and taken back. "K-Kazili? You…what did you do to him?" She sniffed, getting ready to cry. "Nothing…if his heart is saying something…then you have to listen…that's how the world works…"

Everything went silent for a brief time, both Kisame and Itachi taken back by her words. They both began laughing. "Right…we'll let her join…it'll give everyone something to laugh about, its been a while since someone's played a joke on the rest of the Akatsuki…" Kisame smiled at Itachi. He pretended to nod to his joke, but Itachi was being serious, he hadn't told him about what this blonde could do.


	3. In or Not to be In

Chapter 3:

Kazili was thrown on Itachi's shoulders and was trying her best to kick him, which Itachi only smiled at. "Coast clear?" He asked his teammate. "There is no coast here stupid, I should know, cause I'm a fish."

"…Yea…"

"LET ME GO NOW!!"

Itachi frowned at her finally speaking with her mouth instead of her feet. "You're being no fun, now be a nice hostage and whimper." Kazili started getting angrier and began kicking him harder. "Don't make me hurt you!!" Kisame stopped walking and turned to Itachi. "Why don't you stop looking up her dress and let me hold her for a while?" Itachi turned away from him with a blush. "Who said I was?! Anyway, your weak, I should hold Kazili." Kisame snickered. "Oh, so you call her my her name now do you? You wouldn't happen to _lik_-."

He hit him in the head harshly. "Shut the heck up! _She_ is an idiotic nuisance to me and means nothing more to me than my brother."

"A-A-A-CHOO!" Sasuke sneezed. "Someone's talking about me. Its probably my brother!" He started crying again and Naruto sighed looking down on him. "Stop being such an emo!"

Kazili's body seemed to relax after Itachi's comment about not caring less about her. He was about to give his concern until he reminded himself that he wasn't supposed to care. _"What's wrong with me…"_ He thought to himself as he saw the village entrance/exit up ahead. Ninja began appearing behind him and he didn't have to look back as Kisame's sword slashes did the work for him. Kisame walked side-by-side to Itachi and petted Kazili's head. "What's wrong? You've been pretty quiet." She didn't answer and bit his finger growling. "Ooooowwww! Get off get off get off!" When he used his free hand to get his sword she bit harder and he began screaming like a little girl. "EEEEEEEEEE!! Oh my gosh!! Itachi!! Help me!! YOUR carrying her!!"

He looked back at her, not stopping, and Kisame began being dragged on the ground by his bleeding finger. "AAAAAHHHHH!! AAAAAHHHHHH!" Kisame decided he had enough and let go and he sat there nursing his finger as they moved along….

Three hours had passed, and with some debates with Kisame on his contract, Itachi and he continued until they had made it to the main Akatsuki hideout. Most of the others had arrived also except the leader who was on a 'mission' in the bathroom, and stared in silence as Kazili was carried in. "What the…?" Itachi set her down and quickly put some tape on her mouth to shut her up as she was beginning to yell at everyone asking random questions.

Zetsu, who was playing pool and beating Deidara badly, stopped on his turn and looked over at the girl.

"Great, another blonde."

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Nuthin'…can she play pool?"

"What?! I'm playing you right now!"

"And I'm tired of winning, can she play?"

Itachi raised his hand for silence and everything stopped except Kazili's constant yelling from inside her tape. "Yo." The reply came simply, "Yo." Kisame stretched his arms, and trying to hide his smirk, announced they had a new member. "….So why is she tied up then?" Deidara asked, and then got hit on his pinky finger with a pool ball. "OW YOU LITTLE BASTARD!" Zetsu smirked. "I win." Kisame interrupted their little quarrel with Deidara's answer. "She likes attacking new people. So it's to calm her down with. Any ques-."

Kazili, who had been chewing through the tape, piped up. "Who the in the heck said I was joining ANYTHING? I've had enough…" Her voice frighteningly dropped to an angry, deep whisper. "…Of you." It seemed to be no effort what-so-ever for her to bring her arms and legs apart and the chains to break. At that moment Tobi opened the door, smiling under his mask. "I got the groceries!" He sang. "RAAAAAAWWWRRRRRR!" Kazili launched herself on Tobi who began screaming. "HELP!! HELP!! WITH THE FUCK SOMEBODY HELP ME!" Everyone stared at the scene, and no one acted until blood began splashing on the coffee table.

It took awhile to get Kazili off of Tobi, who lay unconscious and twitching, and after she calmed down became unconscious also. No scratch on her. Even if Tobi had tried to get her back he would've found it impossible to hurt Kazili Kushi, which everyone would soon know. "She's in." Itachi, oh so coincidently, held Kazili in his arms and looked towards the bathroom door with hopeful eyes. No one noticed. The leader of the Akatsuki had been watching everything and opened the door, with a piece of toilet paper on his shoe. "AND YOUR OUT! FINALLY I CAN USE THE BATHROOM!" Konan, who had not spoken the entire time squealed, rushing past the leader, Pein, to the bathroom.

Though she didn't have to go, it appeared like it. She pushed him out the way and slammed the door shut. "If she joins, there'll be THREE girls! And I won't get as much attention as before…oh crap Deidara's not a girl…" She pressed her fingers against her temples, thinking.


End file.
